A Soft Goodbye
by Ayame Harushino
Summary: She bids them farewell for the third time...Only this time, she would never return.


**Author's Note**

This one-shot is based on _Inuyasha _manga chapters 462-475, in which our lovely undead miko bids goodbye for the last time...Rin's point of view in this fic pretty much sums up most of my thoughts about Kiky­­o's death. I was so saddened when I read of her final death, that I scribbled some of my thoughts on a piece of neglected paper lying right in front of me. One thought led to another, and before I knew it, a one-shot is completed. Sound kind of strange, no? All it needed was a few editing and typing. This fic seems more like a drabble set to me...

The song used in this fanfic is **_Angel_ **by **The Corrs**.

**Warning: **May contain spoilers for manga chapters 462-475. May contain excess cheesiness due to the overdramatic state in which the authoress wrote in.

**Disclaimer:** _Inuyasha_ and the song _Angel _belong to their respective owners, which is not me, obviously. Otherwise, Kikyo would be alive, bearing Sesshomaru's pups, and the hot-yet-sadistic bastard Naraku would be sent to oblivion. Does it still seem like I own anything?

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**A Soft Goodbye**

_**She bids them farewell for the third time...Only this time, she would never return.**_

****

...o—o...o—o...o—o...

_She lived like she knew_

_Nothing lasts_

Her heavenly smile made his heart want to burst in joyful sorrow as he held the dying miko in his embrace and touched her lips with his own.

"I will always protect you..."

And with her last promise to Inuyasha, came her last thought.

_"Goodbye for ever, my love. My Inu—"_

Her body dissipated into orbs of light and souls before she could finish.

He cried.

_Didn't care to look_

_Like anyone else_

She had laughed at death's face as she conquered it. But twice was more than enough. This time, she gave in to its dark embrace, and let herself be free in eternal rest.

He had never before actually seen her die. And now he realized...

Unlike before, she will never return again.

She was gone _forever_.

He will never be able to hold her in his arms, nor taste her honey-sweet lips...

Never again would he bear witness to her smile, the rarest of the rare, nor hear the gentle laugh that which she would always try to hide...

He refused to believe it.

She is always there, watching over him with unwavering cerulean eyes, crushing death beneath her wooden heels before it could lay its tainted finger on him.

Is?

Was.

He never had the chance to ask her all his questions. How did she know when he was following her? Why was she so cold to him, and to everybody? Why did she often go to Naraku's castle? Did they try to kill each other?

He never had the chance to laugh with her. She would always hide it when he made her laugh.

He never had the chance to ravish her. Her and her ethereal body.

_'Damn. Hentai no hoshi's starting to rub off on me.'_

He never had the chance to study her. It would take him months, even years, to solve the enigmatic puzzle known as his beloved. Him owning a relatively dense brain would not help in that situation. But still, they would have had time, right?

Wrong.

Why couldn't they be together just for a few more precious moments?

_'It's because I never really tried...'_

And now that she had left him in favor of death...

He would regret his insensitivity.

_And she was beautiful_

_So beautiful_

"The scent on the wind has changed..."_ That intoxicating scent that he learned to cherish so much..._ "It is too late."

'_It is too late to tell her...'_

In that overgrown field, he stood, while the young taijiya and the human child closed their eyes in silent mourning.

He had seen her die once right in front of him on that fateful day on Hakurei-zan, and he had done nothing.

He knew it would happen.

It was in his power to prevent it from happening _again_.

And once more, foolish pride made him commit the same fatal mistake.

And for that, the great heirloom of the late western lord would abandon its current master; the powerful Tensaiga would be nothing but a pathetic blade rendered useless.

Still, the mighty lord of the western lands, the destroyer of the circle of life, the killing perfection, possessed a hidden heart.

A heart now broken.

_'It is too late to love her...'_

_I still hear her laugh_

_Like she's here_

_'Are you happy where you are right now, Kikyo?'_

Nothing but the gentle nighttime breeze was there to answer.

_'Take me there. I wanna go see you. I wanna see you smile at me.'_

He could not bring himself to look at Kagome. Everytime he did, he saw _her_. He had thought he was over that. _'They are two completely different people, with two completely different souls,' _he reminded himself again and again. He held feelings for Kagome, but his love for the late miko occupied most of his battered heart.

Once again, he failed to save her.

And everytime he does, it cost her life.

_'If Onigumo never existed...Would we be living the way we wanted? Would you give up your purity for me? Of course you would have. Or else I would've forced you. Hehe, just kidding. I wonder how many kids we could've had...'_

And he wondered some more, but...

He wondered too late.

_Shower it down on all the young_

_It isn't so wrong_

_To have such fun_

All she wanted was to live a normal life with her beloved.

What was so wrong about that?

Fate had given her three chances, yet she never attained her one and only desire.

He would always make sure of that.

He found pleasure in her pain. He murdered her, again and again, yet she kept overcoming death and kept coming back in her dangerous attemps to drag him to hell with her like a weed in a garden.

Even though her body was gone, her intense hate never died_—_She was keeping him from corrupting the purified core of the Shikon no Tama, until now! Her soul, though tainted by hate, could never be completely corrupted.

To him, she was merely an obstacle to destroy, a priceless trophy to win, a challenging opponent, an insolent wench that kept interfering in his evil plans, nothing more, nothing less.

Wasn't she?

As he left the dying priestess in the hands of the idiot hanyo, his heart stopped.

Wait_—_!

His human heart was destroyed a long time ago_—_he no longer lusted for her!

Could it be_—_?!

He loved her.

_Forever Angel_

_I hope they love you_

_Like we do forever_

_Angel_

_I'll be proud to be like you_

_Be like you_

Watching the blood-colored sunset, the aging village priestess whispered a prayer for the wind to carry. She was sure that herever she is at this moment, she is in a better place, where her soul will no more be weeping, where she will no more be sorrowful, where she will no more be bound, but is _free_...

She closed her one remaining eye.

_'Rest in peace, my dear sister.'_

_Does the sun shine up at you_

_When you're looking down_

Now that she's dead—_gone_—she wanted to feel happy. Now that there will nobody to share his heart with. She knew she deserved to feel happy.

Sadness hits her.

She shouldn't be gone—she deserved so much better! In fact, she deserved nothing of that agonizing hell known to her as treasured life.

Why did she suffer so?

Why?

**_WHY?_**

Is it because she wished to live a life of joy? Is that such a crime? Did she really deserve those consequences?

The schoolgirl from the future shed tears.

_Do you get along_

_With the others around_

He had asked them to leave them alone in private.

But she heard him cry.

And she heard her tell him with bittersweet happiness that his coming for her was good enough. How can she be so content when she was dying?

For the first time in her life of seventeen years, her heart twisted with guilt.

How can she even _think _of replacing her in his heart? That was utterly preposterous! Naraku would willingly give the jewel up first before she could compare to her!

The girl had taken him for granted; the woman regarded his occasional secret visits as prized treasure.

The girl had been jealous everytime on the very few times that he goes to see the woman; the woman had been content to see him smile because of the girl.

The girl wanted them to mourn her future death and be remembered; the woman wanted them to be happy for her that she had found peace and move on with their lives that had only begun.

The girl displayed smiles of joy for herself; the woman shed tears of sorrow for others.

The girl was loved for being happy; the woman was loathed for trying to find peace.

The girl traveled with more than a handful of loyal friends that cared; the woman wandered alone by her hating self.

The girl enjoyed what she never suffered for; the woman suffered for what another enjoyed.

The modern-era teen bit her rogue-painted lip...

Has life always been this unfair?

_It's got to be better_

_Than before_

_You don't need to worry_

_Now you're gone_

_Forever_

"It is too late."

The child refused to believe his words.

If Lady Kikyo were really in trouble, Sesshomaru-sama would go and help her right? _Like he always did on those few, blissful times..._

_'Kohaku-kun, please tell me it's not real.'_

Please.

How will they live happily ever after like I always imagined, if she's gone?

_"Surely Sesshomaru-sama will find a way. He always does when Kikyo-chan is involved. Doesn't he, Jaken-sama?"_

The three-foot toad looked away.

_Angel_

_I hope they love you_

_Like we do_

_Forever Angel_

_I'll be proud to be like you_

_Just like you_

Why didn't Sesshomaru-sama save Kikyo-chan? _Was it because he didn't want Inuyasha-san to find out about him and Kikyo-chan?_

_'Sesshomaru-sama...are you afraid? Are you...ashamed?'_

The young human girl glanced around and saw...

A crushed taijiya.

_'Kohaku-kun, don't cry.'_

A moping toad yokai.

_'Jaken-sama, don't be sad.'_

A sulking dragon.

_'Ah-Un, don't look down.'_

And...

_'This can't be real.'_

A broken taiyokai.

_'Don't be sad! Please don't! This is all a bad dream! Sesshomaru-sama...please wake me up and tell me every thing is still the way it is...tell me that Ah and Un are still stuck together, that Jaken-sama is still tiny, that Rin still likes picking pretty flowers, that Kikyo-chan is still beautiful, and that Sesshomaru-sama still loves Kikyo-chan! Wake me up, I am begging you...!"_

Sesshomaru-sama does not move.

It must not be real.

_'Lady Kikyo will come back, right? She will be there with her pet shinidamachu when we go to her tonight, right? She will be smiling at Rin, at Kohaku-kun, at Jaken-sama, at Sesshomaru-sama, and even at Ah-Un. Let's go visit her again Sesshomaru-sama. Then everything would be the same. We'll take that secret path in the forest, then we'll see her lying up on that tree. Then she'll open her pretty deep-blue eyes and smile, and Sesshomaru-sama's pretty yellow eyes would have a strange sparkle in them. She'll jump down, and her pet yokai would try to catch her, but if they don't she'll still land like a nekoyokai. Jaken-sama would puff out his chest and mumble that Sesshomaru-sama is still more graceful. Rin would run to her and hug her and she will stoop down and hug Rin, too. Kohaku-kun would smile, and get a pat in the head from Kikyo-chan, then he would lose his shyness and hug her, too. Kikyo-chan would hold out her hands and Ah-Un would slowly inch to her and sniff out the food in her hands, and then they'll eat the food and sometimes fight over it, hehehe. _

_'Sesshomaru-sama would grunt, and the shinidamachu would fly away. Sesshomaru-sama doesn't like them very well. We'll talk for a while, while Sesshomaru-sama pretends to not be interested while Kikyo-chan tells me and Jaken-sama and Kohaku-kun about the giant hebiyokai that tried to attack her, but she defeats the bad yokai! Mine, Kokaku-kun's, and even Jaken-sama's eyes would jump out of their sockets in amazement, while Sesshomaru-sama would mutter about Kikyo-chan's recklessness. Kikyo-chan would always hear him, and she will ask us to leave them alone, just the two of them. I will giggle to myself, as my imagination sparks up. Maybe Kikyo-chan would hug Sesshomaru-sama. Or maybe they would have a friendly argue, hopefully it won't turn into a deadly combat where they both bark words that Rin could not understand at each other, like that one time...But neither of them would be able to hurt each other. Kohaku-kun whispers to himself that Kikyo-chan and Sesshomaru-sama are equal in power, and Jaken-sama would get all red and stutter that Sesshomaru-sama is the most powerful being. _

_'Rin will just watch while Kikyo-chan and Sesshomaru-sama fight. They both wield swords made by the old man called Totosai-san who owns a big hammer and a bull with three eyes, but sometimes Kikyo-chan uses her purification powers and her bow and arrows, and Sesshomaru-sama sometimes uses his energy whip and his dokkaso. They even use the mokomoko-sama and the shinidamachu, sometimes, but rarely. The battle will stop when Kikyo-chan starts laughing. Sesshomaru-sama would raise his eyebrow, then he will tell us to leave them again. We obey him...sometimes. We peek through the bushes when they're too busy to notice. Rin wonders why Sesshomaru-sama doesn't like us to see them laughing together. Well, he won't really laugh, but he will have that smile, and then Kikyo-chan would embrace him and ask him to give her the mokomoko-sama. Sesshomaru-sama would snort, then his fluffy pelt would wrap around Kikyo-chan then she'll order him to release her. Rin doesn't really think that Kikyo-chan wants Sesshomaru-sama to let go. Because he doesn't and he would return Kikyo-chan's embrace, as he closes his eyes. Kikyo-chan would kiss Sesshomaru-sama's cheek, and Sesshomaru-sama would get an idea and smirk. And then...and then...Oh no! Rin is blushing! Rin would turn away and Kohaku-kun would grab Rin's arm and Jaken-sama's head and drag us away. I ask Kohaku-kun about what Sesshomaru-sama was doing to Kikyo-chan, and then he and Jaken-sama would turn very, very, VERY red and they tell me that I'll understand when I'm older. Oh well. At least we got to see Sesshomaru-sama smile._

_'That's what happened last time and Rin is sure that that's what will happen again tonight, when we go to Kikyo-chan. It may be a little different, but as long as Kikyo-chan is with Sesshomaru-sama, Rin is happy.'_

And the child bursts into heart-rendering sobs, as she realizes that her fantasies are over.

She had lost one reason to be happy.

But the yokai lord has only one reason left.

_'Could Sesshomaru-sama still be happy, without Kikyo-chan, with only Rin as his reason?'_

She doubted it.

But she will try, and try, and try, for the sake of the ones who saved and loved her.

_For Sesshomaru-sama..._

_...who should never have lost his heart. _

_For Kikyo-chan..._

_...who still has so much to live for._

_'You can leave Rin...'_

She pleaded with all of her pure heart.

_'Just don't leave Sesshomaru-sama.'_

_And when I go to sleep at night_

_I'll thank you_

_For each blessed thing_

_Surrounding me_

You were the one I loved first. Damn, I think I still do...I'll never forget to remember you, Kikyo.

_Neither would I, Inuyasha. I will watch over you, and always love you._

_For every fall_

_I'll ever break_

_Each moment's breath_

_I wanna taste_

Beloved sister, I never replaced ye with Kagome. You are my sister, are ye not?. I look up at ye. Now, more than ever. May ye rest in peace.

_I will, my sister Kaede. Thank you._

_Confidence and conscience_

_Decadent extravagance_

I was a fool. To think that I've realized that my heart exists and beats for you, right after I murdered you...This is utter foolishness. I hope you rot in hell, damn wench.

_You will be joining me very soon, Naraku. Sooner than you think._

_Never ending providence_

_For loving_

_When I had the chance_

Miko...Kikyo...when the time comes and you return...I will be waiting.

_I never had a chance to complete my last thought, which was for you... Goodbye, my love. My Inutaiyokai Sesshomaru._

_Angel_

_I hope they love you like we do_

_Forever_

What do you want me to do? I am your reincarnation, after all. If the circumstances had been different, we could have been friends, couldn't we?

_Maybe in another life, Kagome. As for now, all you can do is smile, for our hanyo, Inuyasha._

_Angel_

_I'll be proud to be like you_

I will miss you, Kikyo-chan. I'm sure Kohaku-kun, Jaken-sama, Ah-Un, and Sesshomaru-sama do, too. When you come back, Kikyo-chan, would you make us a family? One where I would have little hanyo brothers and sisters? Kohaku-kun finally told me that that's what you and Sesshomaru-sama were doing when you asked us to leave. You were making puppies, as Jaken-sama said. Or was it pups? When you return, okay, Kikyo-chan? Rin promises she wouldn't look! Rin promises to leave you alone when you..uhm..uh..make puppies! Come back soon, Kikyo-chan, so that Sesshomaru-sama will smile and be happy again.

_Oh, little Rin-chan, I will miss you too. When we reunite, we will be a family. This I promise you. Take care of Sesshomaru, Rin. He is very precious to me..._

_Forever angel_

_I'll be proud to be like you_

_Be like you_

_I'll be proud to be like you_

_As they bid their final farewells, the wind whispers into their ears, the parting words of a powerful miko, who was finally laid to rest in peace forever and ever, never to awaken again._

_**Or would she...?**_

...o—o...o—o...o—o...

**O w a r i . . . _is it?_**

**...o-o..O-O..o-o...**

**Dedicated to the memory of the late miko, Kikyo.**

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Once again, constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated, and as for flames, they will be used to cook _inihaw na bangus_—charcoaled/grilled/barbecued milkfish—with tomatoes, onions, plain white rice, and soy sauce for dinner! (A very simple meal, but it's one of my favorites. Eating using only the hand without utensils makes it even better! Don't get grossed out now... XD)

Ja ne!

o—Aya—o


End file.
